Accreditation Humor

It is often said that one should have a sense of humor about the accreditation process. So, to conclude YAM on such a note, we searched for humor you could use.

We searched the Internet far and wide, looking for anyone who found any aspect of accreditation humorous. It would appear that death and taxes, economic collapse and exorcism, root canals and cancer each inspire more humor than accreditation does. [People take accreditation seriously; so should you.]

The one exception is a variation on the classic Devil and St. Peter story. It seems to be the only “joke” known to accreditors, and is frequently told in speeches on the subject. You'll find one version below.

But as luck would have it, as we worked on YAM and spent a day recording the video clips, 3 participants offered a laugh or two by improvising two skits and one observation.

So, please enjoy a couple of rare lighthearted moments, and one joke, about the usually-very-serious subject of accreditation:

The skits, Take 1:

 

 

The skits, Take 2:

 

 

The observation:

 

 

A Devil and St. Peter Story

One day while walking down the street an educator who was a veteran of many Committee on Accreditation meetings -- with dozens of accreditation decisions and 34 site visits to her credit -- was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived at the Pearly Gates where she was greeted by St. Peter himself.

“Welcome!” said St.Peter. "Are you ready for your site visits?"

"Excuse me," the veteran site visitor said, "Did you say 'site visits?'"

"Exactly," said St. Peter. "In order to assure quality in both eternal establishments, we program two site visits by each new entrant to eternity. You will conduct a site visit to Hell for one day; on the agenda you'll interview Satan if he's available or a senior administrator, visit with some of the other residents, observe some activities, meet with Hell's advisory committee, and then consider how attractive Hell is for you. Then you will visit Heaven for one day; on the agenda you'll interview God if he's available or a senior prophet, visit with residents, observe activities, meet with Heaven's advisory committee and consider how attractive Heaven is for you. Then you'll return to the Pearly Gates and make a recommendation to me.

"There is but one Standard," said St. Peter, "ordained by our Lord, which is simple this: Each entrant to eternity shall spend eternity in the most appropriate location. We also heed the holy Guideline, namely, Each entrant to eternity is the best judge of eternity's appropriateness. So after your site visits, you and you alone will judge which institution is the more pleasing setting for your eternity."

“Actually, I think I've made up my mind…I prefer to stay in Heaven”, volunteered the woman.

“Sorry," said St. Peter, "but we have rules and procedures that help us implement the Standard and Guideline fairly for all…” You may spend eternity in Limbo if you wish; but if either Heaven or Hell is your goal, the process I've shared with you is not really voluntary."

And with that St. Peter put the veteran site visitor in an elevator and it went down-down-down to Hell. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the green of a beautiful campus golf course. In the distance was a country club and a golf course, and standing in front of her were some of her colleagues and peers - fellow Committee on Accreditation members and Program directors that she had worked with, and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They toured, they golfed, and at night at the club she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil himself, who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute), and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She marveled at the facilities, met with advisors, and was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved good-bye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her. “Now it's time to visit Heaven for a day,” he said.

So she spent the next 24 hours with more of her former colleagues and peers. She met not only with God but briefly with Jesus and Moses as well, spent time with a heavenly advisory committee, chatted with so many angels she lost count, toured the golden facilities, dined on ambrosia and even found time to lounge around on clouds playing the harp and singing. It was a wondrous experience and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.

“So, you've visited Hell for a day and you've visited Heaven for a day. Now you must report the choice you'll make for your eternity,” he said.

The veteran site visitor paused for a second and then replied, “Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell.”

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his welcoming arm around her.

“I don't understand,” stammered the woman, “yesterday when I visited there was a campus and a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable.”

The Devil looked at her and smiled. “Yesterday was the site visit,” he said. “Today is business as usual."

Back to YAM Topics